The Ex-Box

Written by Joey Santiago

It’s the beginning of summer. I wake up around 11am to go out and start my day. I eventually get out of bed, take a shower, brush my teeth and shave.

I open up my closet to grab something to wear. Twenty pairs of jeans, a couple sweaters & jackets, a few dress shirts, and countless black & white v-necks are staring back at me. On the floor were 10 boxes of shoes, my ex-box, saved shopping bags, and old textbooks. The top shelf held up all my fitted hats.

I grab jeans and a white v-neck, my white pinstripe Jays cap, and white adidas. Put on my chains and leave the house.

Wait, did I mention the ex-box? No, it doesn’t play Halo.

Ex-Box?

For those who know what I’m talking about, you know exactly where you keep yours. Under the bed, in the basement, in the back of your closet – you know where you keep it. And chances are, you haven’t touched it in months or years. Some of you don’t keep a box, I know – you kinda just let that stuff get out of hand and grow old in the place you left it last. It’s okay – it’s not like you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend who gave you that ring anyway.

And for those who don’t know what I’m talking about – the infamous ex-box, as defined in the Oxford English Dictionary*:

The Ex(girlfriend/boyfriend)-box: noun. A storage unit that contains materials, gifts, items or articles from your past significant other(s), collected over the course of your relationship career. While the box itself holds no sentimental value, objects found in the box will force you a trip down memory lane and may open old wounds. The box(es) may come in many forms – be it a shoebox, crate, gift bags, closet drawer, trunk, barrel, suitcase, safety deposit box, treasure chest, warehouse (god I hope not), or laundry basket.

*only exists in Joey’s copy of the oxford English dictionary and has been omitted in the other copies. Someone must’ve gotten fired for that screw up.

Yeah, you guessed it. I’m writing about the ex-box. I know it’s taboo. It’s something that shouldn’t be brought up, something that shamefully exists in [some] of our rooms, and something I probably shouldn’t be exposing. It’s okay, I won’t tell people you read this article and said to yourself, “oh sh—, he’s right.”

There are three parts to this article:

1: Things you’ll find

2: Why people keep the things they do

3: What it all means in the end

Contents

So, what can you find in these dreaded boxes? Well, speaking from personal experience – I’ve had a girlfriend since I was 13, and here we are today – 7 relationships and countless dates later. (if one of my ex-girlfriends are reading this – hi!) Oh and a warning: contents may vary – my box will contain things from asian ex-girlfriends (although don’t think that’s a restriction, whattup non-asian girls!), so if your contents vary, feel free to contribute by commenting below.

1)      Paper Stars

I don’t know what it is about girls, but they seem to want to make an endless number of paper stars. Don’t get me wrong – I love them, and I think they’re hella cute and it takes effort to make them, but why does ALMOST EVERY GIRL give you a bottle/jar of the stuff?

2)      Love letters

Ah yes, the bottom of your box is probably filled with these things. Notes from high school, poems, letters, and anything else that they wrote for you while you two were madly in love. Usually sounds like:

“Welp, I’m in 3^rd period nao! Tanks for takin me to lunch baby!! I know we really didn’t spend too much time togetha but Jenny was having probs wif her bf and I cudnt just leave her! ty for understanding *muah*. You are the best bf ever, you are so different from everyone else. I am so lucky to hab u <3 I can’t wait to see u after skool…english is so boring….”

And this drones on about 4 pages long.

3)      Stuffed Animals

Only some stuffed animals will make their way into your box. Chances are they’re either scattered in your room, in her room, or torn in half in a landfill somewhere. These cute little bastards remind you that stuffed animals will never go out of style – and you probably have at least one  teddy/doggie/duck/frog/penguin/panda/monkey/eeyore/pooh/domo/hellokitty/mashimaro/ sitting in that box.

4)      More Paper Hearts

Like seriously, my stuff is literally swimming in these stars. And some of em even have messages in them that I haven’t read yet.

5)      Photobooth Pictures

Young love can be very expressive – and you tend to take a lot of pictures with each other more so than relationships later in your life. And I guarantee you’ll have these in your box – wow, don’t you look young? And not fat? And yes, your ex-bf/gf was pretty hot.

6)      Concert/Movie Tickets

During the course of your relationship, you’ll be going to a lot of things. And you’ll be keeping evidence that you actually went out and did those things.

7)      Random Articles of Clothing

This is the kind of stuff that will piss off your current girlfriend. I don’t know why, but there are sometimes articles of clothing that you’ll find in the box that usually hold some sentimentality. Like the scarf she wore on the day you met. Or the wristband he wore the day he asked you out.

8)      Jewellery

Relationships that last longer than a year usually start to take symbolic forms. Necklaces, earrings, bracelets, and matching rings start to become standard Christmas/Birthday/Valentines/Anniversary presents. These will be in your ex-box, unless they decided not to return it cuz that $800 Tiffany ring was too sparkly to part with.

Why People Keep The Things They Do

So, why do people decide to hoard these things? I think everyone has their reasons. However, I have some theories.

Comparison (like a measuring stick)

This reason is more common in girls. From a girl’s perspective (yes, I researched this part), it’s more frequent for them to rummage through their ex- box and say, ‘I wish my current boyfriend was this sweet. I don’t get stuffed animals/love letters anymore’. This is poisonous in a couple ways. One – it’s demoralizing to your current boyfriend. Why does he have to be compared to your ex? Is he comparing you to his ex? (answer: probably) Are your standards dependent on your values, beliefs, and lifestyle – or is it based on who you were with last? Do you wish your partner wrote you love letters and got you stuffed animals because it’d be sweet coming from them? Or do you want these things because your ex did them for you?

A reminder of what you once had

There are points in your life when you just don’t feel appreciated. Or you don’t feel loved. Whether you’re going through a single phase, or a tumultuous time in your current relationship – it’s nice to look back and see that, once upon a time, you were revered. You meant something to someone at one point in time, and that makes you feel good about yourself.  (At least, before they cheated on you or did something equally as bad.) Well, let’s be real. Looking through the box is sort of like drinking your problems away. You’re relieving the void right now, but you’re probably just gonna feel worse the next day. Then, the problem becomes the above: the box becomes a measuring stick.

Trophy

More for guys. Does this line ever run through your head? “Wow, she really did that for me? Damn, I must’ve been the best boyfriend ever.” Or do you ever keep count of how many girls have their stuff in that box? Do you count how many years of relationship experience you’ve had, and say – “damn, I’m good at this” (oh crap, that’s what I did in the beginning of this article). Listen to yourself. The box has become a trophy. The girls are the notches on your belt. Guys have a tendency to measure their manhood by the number of girls they’ve plowed dated or had relationships with. If you like to keep score and feel good about yourself, then by all means – keep the box as a trophy. Does the “7 years of women” hold real value? Is that sentimental baggage gonna get you anywhere in the future, or is it just holding you back from being the good boyfriend/girlfriend you can be in your future relationships?

What it all means in the end

So, what’s that box doing for you by existing? While you think about that, I’ll tell you what it’s not doing. It’s not helping your current relationship that you might be in. It’s not helping you find someone if you’re single. It doesn’t make people respect you more, and it definitely doesn’t show much respect for your current significant other. Besides, there’s a good chance that if  he/she ever finds out about your box, their stuff is gonna end up in it soon after.

Why do we treasure this stuff? Probably because they serve as landmarks in your ongoing romantic journey. However, you shouldn’t need souvenirs to remind you of that – if it was really that special, you’ll never forget it. If you’re going through a breakup – fine, keep that stuff until you’re ready to move on. But let go when you can. You’ll be a better person for it – and your partner will appreciate it. Additionally, you don’t have to throw the box out – just return it all. That way, you’re moving on while still showing appreciation to what you once had. Although make sure you give all of it back – there’s no point if you only give back some of it (yes, return that $800 Tiffany ring goddamit).

If you’re still caught up on your ex – just don’t forget, you broke up for a reason. And if you’re really meant to get back together, staring at his/her old stuff won’t get them back – working things out with them will.

As for me, I’m currently cleaning out my closet, while listening to Replacement Girl by Drake & Trey Songz.

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