It’s A Cheap Date

No matter how bad the economy gets, no matter how scarce job opportunities may be, and no matter how many trillions of dollars in debt the United States of America currently drowns in, there is one thing that will never change about people: they like to buy stuff. Even though shopping only makes life harder for an individual on a budget, consumerism in North America and most developed countries keep their nations afloat above the sea of deficit, kind of like the very fat that prevents that one obese kid in gym class from swimming properly, but ironically, is the same fat that keeps him afloat.

Particularly, the Cheap Date.

So, you’re a high school kid with two jobs, or a struggling college student living on canned goods, or a recent graduate with a degree that won’t get you past the $50k mark for a few years – we’ve all been there (or have watched our friends go through it) and money is tight for at least the first half of your life. Most of us in the low to middle class families struggle in a it-can’t-be-helped kind of way – we just gotta deal, survive, and put food on the table every once in a while. Had money all your life and you think this isn’t for you? Think again. One thing I’ve learned is that money comes and goes; I’m sure there’ll be a point in your life where penny pinching will be a necessity. Or, you could be saving for that Yacht you’ve had your eye on for two weeks – who knows? Saving is not just for us common folk, it’s beneficial to everyone.

Whatever your reasons may be for being poor (mine is living like a King today and not saving any for tomorrow), we all still need to, well, date. Notice that I didn’t say ‘get laid’. If that was your priority, you’d spend your money on hookers rather than on the internet you need to read this article on.

I’m sure some of you are thinking – ‘well if you’re broke, don’t date – you can’t afford it’ or ‘you shouldn’t be spending money on other people if you need it for yourself’. Yeah, makes sense, but the reality is, even if you’re not buying that girl dinner, you’re buying yourself dinner that night. You’re spending gas or bus fare to go out, you’re gonna offer to pay for things, spend money on presents, go over your monthly minutes on your cellphone to have that good morning conversation. That’s how it is, and we want all these things to be this way. Why? It’s human nature to do something nice, to offer to pay, to spend money on other people if it’ll make them happy. It’s inevitable that you will spend money if you want to spend time getting to know someone. But there are ways to minimize that spending, and that’s what this is all about!

There are two time zones to consider – the time while you’re with her, and the time while you’re without her.

If you’re planning to spend money on someone, you’re gonna have to make a few adjustments (a nice word for ‘sacrifices’) to your lifestyle. But you’re asking, ‘How can I be thriftier if I’m already struggling to live while I’m single?’ Well, be efficient about it. First, begin by finding out how much you spend every week on food. If you never eat out, then great – but if you do, you’d be surprised on how much you spend on food. The point: stop spending money on food. Eat at home, bring a lunch, cook your own damn dinner. It goes a long way.

The second point is you have to be pro-active on saving money. You should eventually find out on your own that a Big Mac Combo is $7.56, or a BK Value Meal is under $5 (both after taxes). You should be hoarding coupons from newspapers and magazines (remember: two can dine for $8.99), and your haircuts might have to be crappy and infrequent. Chef Boyardee and Ramen a few times a week goes a long way (and it’s tasty, too). Know that meat is cheaper when it’s closer to the expiry date, and maybe you don’t need caller ID & Voicemail, those movie channels on cable, or the fancy orange juice every single week.

Now, during the time you’re with her – ie. on dates, on the phone, dinner with her parents, whatever – don’t make it ‘cheap’. Remember, it’s an ‘efficient’ date (don’t tell her that though or she’ll know it’s cheap). The idea is not to hide the fact that you’re poor/broke/on welfare: it’s to make sure you two are having fun by spending as little as possible. In today’s world, most down-to-earth women are understanding especially if you’re not working full-time. They don’t care if you’re not made of money, as long as they feel like you have a personality that compliments theirs and isn’t creepy or psycho, and is somewhat attractive – they’ll give you a shot.

Treating a girl when you’re on a budget becomes an art; first thing to know is, don’t be an idiot and be T.I. on the first date (you can have whatever you likeeeee ♫). Seriously, if you act like a baller when you’re not – buying a brand new outfit for your date, renting a limo and spending $200 on drinks at the club, you’re screwed. She might have an amazing night and give you a second date ASAP, but she dated baller you, who isn’t the real you. Chances are after that night you’re borrowing money from your best friend to pay for dry cleaning and groceries for the next two weeks because you just blew your pay cheque in one night. Be yourself. But what’s more important than that is, be your real financial self. If you don’t believe me, stop reading right now and go watch Disney’s Aladdin.

The first date is pretty tough, but here’s a few pointers. If you’ve been saving up by being frugal when you’re without her, even if it’s just been a week or so, you can afford to have a nice date. If it’s dinner, go to a small, family-owned restaurant (ie. Toshi’s, a Japanese restaurant in Brampton) or a chain with options for sensible prices on their menus (ie. Pickle Barrel, Spring Rolls/Lemon Grass). Remember, Asian/Ethnic food is almost always cheaper than Canadian/American food, so take advantage of that if she says ‘I don’t care, you pick where to go’. That line is music to a poor man’s ears. Also, don’t go to famous chains. At least, not on a regular basis. Examples include The Hard Rock Cafe, Jack Astors/Alice Fazoolis, Canyon Creek, The Keg, etc. Basically, where the only good things are the expensive stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I love my 10oz NY Peppercorn Steak, but like I said – don’t be a baller if you ain’t. There’s smarter ways to eat good food.

Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are your best friend. There are plenty of deals on these three days because people don’t usually go out. Cheap Martinis & Cocktails, discounts on shows, etc. Even gas is cheaper. The Royal Ontario Museum in Toronto is free on Tuesdays for post-secondary students. And the biggest thing yet – in Toronto and many places in Canada, movies at Cineplex are half off on Tuesdays. You two may have work the next day, but if it just so happens that you get together in the first half of the week, saving money is easy.

‘So, What Do You Wanna Do?’

The venue, or ‘so, what do you wanna do?’ can be tricky. The way it works is, the better conversationalist you are, the cheaper your date is gonna be. So if you suck at talking and showing her what your personality is like (ie. how I am), you’re gonna need activities to help you show her you’re an awesome guy. That means money. Going to the carnival, arcade (Dave & Busters, Playdium), a play/musical, clubbing, movies, and pretty much stuff that gives you the opportunity to slide in witty remarks and jokes that don’t make it akward because it’s too loud, will cost you money. For the conversationalist, a couple hours in Starbucks, Second Cup, Tea Shop 168, or any Cafe/Lounge where you can sit and talk, will be your spot to take her as long you can keep her interested. Walks through the park, beach, downtown, the mall, etc. work the same way.

So what am I really saying? Invest time in being a better conversationalist. Don’t be shy, but don’t be arrogant and self-centered. Women hate that. If you can communicate your feelings, goals and aspirations, your background, your interests and pet peeves, etc, you will be successful without spending too much money. Don’t rely on expensive activities to show her how you’d be right for her. In fact, (disclaimer: fact = joey’s non-researched assumption) women actually prefer a night when all a guy wants to do is have a nice dinner and a genuinely interesting, two-hour conversation over coffee afterwards without having the intention to hit & quit right after, rather than a hectic, stress-filled, and sweaty night at the club (let’s be honest, us guys would rather have a conversation on who would win in a fight between Indiana Jones and Han Solo than go clubbing; it doesn’t make you less of a man to admit it – how many more nights are you gonna fist-pump and chug down Smirnoff Ice as you approach your 30′s?)

One final piece of advice for dating is: always pay your bills before anything else. Make it your rule, make it the priority. Even if you’re left with nothing but a $5 bill for your date. You can’t take care of others if you can’t take care of yourself - how are you gonna ask that girl to a second date when your phone gets cut off and you can’t even look in your closet because the lights don’t work anymore?

To sum it up – live a frugal lifestyle so you can spend money and still be able to at the very least, offer to pay – and make an investment in your communication skills and personality so you don’t have to invest in anything else. I don’t get why guys always complain that women talk too much – in fact, you should be thankful that most of them would rather have a conversation than for you to throw money at them so they’d shut up. Conversations are better for both your relationship, and your wallet.

The last thing I’d like to say is that, even though this piece of work is all about saving money, you’d be surprised at how many women offer to pay – and some of them are even insulted that you insist on buying her dinner. From my experience with the relationships that I’ve had the pleasure to be part of (they are all amazing women who I took for granted because I suck at relationships), women don’t care about how much you spend on them or your financial status. They care about security, stability, your personality, if you’re a good person, your dreams, goals, and aspirations, and whether or not you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. So while you may be struggling to pay the bills now, know that a good woman will stand by you no matter how rich or poor you are, and will do everything in her power to be there when nobody else can be. And if all she cares about is whether or not she’s getting that D&G Purse for Christmas, you’re better off spending that money on someone who would rather have you pay your bills than spend it on her.

Money comes and goes – don’t act like you have it if you don’t, and don’t rely on it if you have it. At the end of the date, everything else you have to offer is more important.